Oh my. It's that time of year again (and I am already three weeks behind). Resolutions. What to keep, what to throw away? Now, at my age and girth, I have no options when it comes to food choices. It's do or die, and I mean that too literally. You cannot know how sad it makes me, though, to have to part with so many things that I love -- foodstuffs that have sustained me through the cold and lonely wintry nights. (Okay, so I'm exaggerating in a Dickensian sort of way just a little...but what's a fat romantic girl of thirty-seven to do?) So here I go, my chubby fingers clutching the edge of my seat as I type out my farewells...
Good-bye guacamole dip made with just the right amount of fresh garlic and black pepper, and served on tasty Farmboy tortilla chips! Sayonara, too, to sesame crackers smothered in roasted red pepper spread. (I hate when they call it spread. You can see the fat content shoot up before your hungry eyes.) Bis dann brown sugar cookies baked in shapes of little moons and stars and served with hot cinnamon tea, and ta ta tahini-laden pita! A culinary kunda hafiz to over-salted crunchy crackers served in tiny pieces on a festive Christmas plate, and a sad sad adios to chocolate-peanut-noodle armadillos, tastier than anything you could ever imagine and so utterly delectable at night. Bye bye beer in special cans of burnished colours served up with zesty hummus (a special hwyl goes out to you), and a solemn beannachd leibh to Beef Wellington, my runny-nosed parting from puffed pastry a true lament to the succulent filet mignon that lay in wait beneath your velvety surfaces. A softened selamat pergi to crustless sandwiches everywhere -- tangy tuna and exquisite egg eyeing up at me from pretty painted platters -- and a lingering le'hitraot to lovely little lemon meringue tarts who I am sure called out my name...eat me, Jennifer, eat me...just before they disappeared forever. A swift and painful tschuss to maraschino cherry chocolates -- all three boxes of you -- washed down with a tschau and another bubbly bottle of Cuvee Speciale...good bye Cuvee! good bye!...and paalam, oh paalam, to my tiny pigs-in-a-blanket, your darling stubby feet tucked up cosily beneath your steaming shawls, sitting silently there next to your cranberry brie sisters -- my fir melenge to phyllo pastry everywhere a testament to my loyalty and my love. Zai Jian three-cheese lasagna served up with homemade Caesar (et tu, Brute?) salad and two fearless crusty loaves, and a half-felt hejdo, hazel nuts, and all your brethren kin. Sampai jumpa double-helping Atlantic salmon with a side of buttery potatoes and caramelized carrots, and finally, most tragically, arrividerci cheese-laden baked-stuffed potatoes.
I dare not look back to see what I have forgot, lest I hurry down (these too too sullied) stairs in search of lingering remnants and unhappy crumbs. Who can know how long I'll keep my steadfast promises, up here in my weeny wind-chilled garret, my head full of long-ago memories of pleasanter times when life was rich and sweet and little dogs and children were kept at bay by the sounds of melodious crunching? And speaking of weenies...dare I say it? -- ciao ciao ciao chocolate-chocolate pecan layer cake made with one cup whipping cream and equal parts brown sugar! And oh my god, I almost forgot! Pirmelenge my precious praline cheesecake, your nutty-coated chewiness sticking happily to the sides of my shiny-faced veneers.
Please Sir, can I have some more?
<:^)
