This year for Christmas I would like the following:
Love, health and peace for everyone I love, as well as for me.
A beautiful Vita-Mix Blender, partly because I am thrilled by the notion that our greens can triple in value, and partly because the product reminds me of I Love Lucy and Vita-Veeta-Vegamin.
A fat-resistant gall bladder.
A new television service provider: one that is precise, quick and customer-oriented.
Houseplants that do not wilt, produce moulds, collect dust, or die when my back is turned.
Five astonishingly well-written novels.
A return of The New Adventures of Old Christine, The #1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, and Samantha Who?
Stephen Harper’s sudden abdication, brought on by a people-and-their-puppets sex scandal.
A cozy, three-bedroom cottage built on the shores of a motor-free lake that contains non-biting fish (which reminds me, in a non-sequitur way, of “Don’t sit here: the crabs pole vault.”) * A rental will do.
Four boxes of Dr. Scholl’s Skin Tag Remover.
Sneakers’ return to the basement litter boxes (we have six of them), so that we can close the inner front door and thereby not freeze all winter.
Jazzy socks.
Home repairs that include…removal of the balcony flag; stair stripping, cupboard crown moulding; new kitchen wallpaper (the one with the birds); second storey floor painting; a new bathroom (well, okay, maybe that’s stretching things a bit); linen closet paint repair; A and D only; E and F only; none of the above; all of the above.
And a way to get this g.d. reindeer out of our living room. How am I going to clean, let alone decorate? And how are Lainey and Blue supposed to get their presents with Rudolph sitting on his fat ass doing nothing.
Vita-veggie-veetie-vermin…
