‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings lay flung on the floor over there
By the giant-sized Sears-sale XL underwear.
~
The children were missing, and had been since noon,
And the cats were all flattened, but snoring in tune;
While ma in her apron and I at the sink
Were eagerly pondering a late-evening drink.
~
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter
I threw on my housecoat to see what was the matter.
Away to the back door I flew in a flash,
Tore open the curtains and flicked up the latch.
~
The moon on the chest of an angular man
Inspired me to step back and reach for a pan.
Standing beside him a posse obscene:
Eight filthy locals – all hungry and mean.
~
With the angular man there, so devilish and quick,
I knew in an instant this must be a trick.
More rapid than gunfire his accomplices came,
As he whistled and shouted, and called them by name:
~
“Now Joey! Now Rocko! Now Dexter and Sammy!
On Peetzy! On Jimbo! On Walter and Tammy!
To the top of the skylight, then slide down the wall --
Now dash in! Now dash in! Now dash in, you all!”
~
As tree limbs that in a wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, higher than high,
And into the house these rapscallions flew
With their eyes on the presents (the ringleader, too).
~
And then in a twinkling, they shifted their weight
The shingles slip-sliding at a furious rate,
As I pulled back my frying pan and turned right around,
Through the skylight these skinny men came in a bound.
~
They were decked out in black from their heads to their feet,
Clothes baggy and dirty, not one of them neat.
A bundle of kitbags were hitched to their backs
(They looked like coal miners hauling lanterns and snacks.)
~
Their eyes, how they glimmered, their teeth – oh, so yellow!
Cheeks ashen and sunken; arms flaccid like Jello.
Their droll little mouths were drawn up in a bow,
And the hats on their heads were all covered in snow.
~
The stump of the pipe one man clenched in his jaw
(Which wasn’t the worst thing that night that I saw);
He had a thin face and a flat little belly
That shook when he laughed like a thimble of jelly.
~
He was grubby and short, a right gruesome old thief,
And I grinned when I saw him, in spite of my grief.
A blink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread.
~
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Filled up his sack and then turned (what a jerk)
And then sliding his finger inside of his nose,
And grunting farewell, up the skylight he rose;
~
He sprang from his feet, to his team gave a whistle,
Fast away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
And I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Happy New Year to all! Someone give me a light!”
~
(Also known as A Child’s Christmas on Walpole by Jennifer Coffey)
