Holy Henna! What gives with the girls’ curls and colours on Little House on the Prairie? I flicked on by the program—well, that’s not true. The Waltons ended and, given that today is Thanksgiving in the United States and that most of their channels will be taken up with American football, what better for the romantic diehards (or in this case, dyehards) than an afternoon run of nostalgic pioneer spirit sap?
I shouldn’t talk, having given up the earlier part of my day to snippets of Meet Me in St. Louis (speaking of hairdos and Vincent Minnelli), Little Women (June Alison’s bangs) and Miracle on 34th Street (...here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus). And I pretty much know every Walton episode by heart (although I lost interest in the series when I discovered that the saga is not based on a real family).
Anyway, I haven’t seen Little House since Sarah was two, her chubby baby thigh pressed into mine as we waited for Paul to come home from the salt mines (euphemism for tavern). In fact, I forget most of the show’s thread except that one of the daughters—Mary—loses her eyesight, and that some of (much of?) the acting was wooden, like their floors, which the mother was endlessly scrubbing.
Oh wait now. Here is a coincidence. The girls have just been handed parts for Little Women, and Nelly is talking about getting a wig for her acting debut. Synchronicity abounds.
Anyway, I only wanted to say that the hairstyles in this show are dreadful, little girls running around with either stiff, peroxide bobs that look more like something Carol Channing would store in a hatbox for emergencies—their hair is so white, feta pales by comparison—or mopsy-flopsy auburn curls cascading heavily onto tiny shoulders, a lot of the mess covered up with over-sized shower-cap bonnets.
Nothing gives a bad (or what would otherwise be a good) piece of work away like a hair style. I don’t know how many period films I might have given myself over to completely if the women (Julie Christie, Elizabeth Taylor, Barbra Streisand…) had not all looked as if they had just walked out of a 70’s salon. (Aside: I just remembered Working Girls…oh my God, although the wild feathering was at least true to those times.)
Speaking of, here comes Laura wearing a floor mop on her head (she has been given the role of Beth in Little Women), decrying that Nelly has all the lines and all the hair. Laura’s parents are laughing at her, telling her she looks like Medusa. (Medusa would be a step up.)
Oh my God. Now one of the children has cut and sold her hair to buy her mother a new dress (shades of Alcott mixed with O’Henry) and she still looks like she’s wearing a chewed off wig. The man who wants to marry her mother calls this child “Little ‘un,” which should give you some idea of the overarching disarray.
(I have to say, even the Waltons look more in keeping with their times.)
As for me, I am off to find a more evocative program...something that lets me jump right back in without any hesitation. Let’s see. What have we here? Oh yes. This is much better. And…bonus! I know all the words.
Give me down to there
Shoulder length or longer hair
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy...
